my blog's going to have to take a break
i finally found that perfect journal and it's going to get used.

i love the word 'compose', it's a new favorite.

my fingernails are bright pink -as are my toes.

i have a doc appt. at 3:20 and a drum lesson at 3 so i gotta call mr Callaway and ask him to reschedule.

i like the word inspiration too.

things are going good w/ my friends, every thing's not 'the way it was' but it's better.

peace.

he stares at me, a knowing gaze
the light in his eyes, leads him through the maze
my mind is in knots, twisted and tangled
yet his focus is persistent, as if he really cares

m

a

k

e

s

m

e

wonder.

I was really nervous in my lesson before the recital - I even asked PJ to come and sit on the stage so there would be no one in the audience...

But then I got really dizzy, I dont know what was a matter with me. I remember closing the piano and tilting my head down and trying to cover my eyes. And then the next thing I remember I'm laying on the front pew and Chelsea's wiping my tears. They were streaming down my face into my hair and she's like "Kaylin... Kaylin are you okay?" and I started to say something but everything got so loud... like banging around in my temples. I started to sit up twice but I couldn't. Finally I just got up and start to walk and but I got light headed and couldn't walk straight - Mrs Susan was worried, she was like "Kaylin, what kind of medicine did you take?"

And honestly. I took some benedril yesterday morning, and then 800mg of Ibuprofen, but then right before I got to the church I took my last Demerol - Which is what they think caused it.

It hurt though. Not as bad as my Fentanyl headache... but a close 2nd.

I finally ended up on the nursery couch... With Chelsea, and my parents were like "Do you want to go home Kaylin?" and I rolled over to face them and looked up and my Dads like "Ok... we're definitely going home." and I started to say something and about that time Trey walked in... "What's the problem is she having a melt-down?" .... yeah so I definitely couldn't go home after that. My Mom was ike "Uhm, nooo she took some pain medicine for her foot and now she's throwing up and can't see straight." then Trey was like "Well I've got some Vicodin if it didn't help" ..... mom: "she took Demerol" .... trey: "oh, wow"

So I had to perform.

In the end I was to sick to be nervous and my fingers weren't even shaking....

However my foot was a little shaky about halfway through... lol

I messed up more than I thought... I was ill-prepared and dizzy.

Ha, I was fine until I went to go walk up the stairs... Then it was like the whole room changed keys w/out me.

I give myself a C-