i don't know what to think, or what to do.
i don't even know how to feel... or why i would feel that way.

crooked little smile, on her face,
tells a tale of grace, that's all her own.
a little girl with nothing wrong,
and she's all alone.

i feel like it's normal, to miss someone.
like it's not out of the ordinary, to want to be missed.
i am taking a break, from life, work, campus...
but chris and i discussed "taking a break"
and the discussion was inconclusive.

which leads me to believe, that, we weren't taking a break.
but regardless of whether or not we were/are
it's not like this week has been any different,
any different than any other week

summer days are gone, too soon
we shoot the moon, and missed completely
and now you're left to face the gloom
the empty room, that once smelled sweetly
why we have to each be lonely, 
it was just the season

i want what anna has
i want what hartley has
i want something that chris doesn't have
and so a decision has to be made...
eventually. at some point. one day.

i feel like we're prolonging the inevitable
im not happy, he doesn't make me happy
he communicates that i'm an obligation
what's love got to do with it?

there was a time when i believed that you belonged to me
but now i know your heart is shackled to a memory
the more i learn to care for you
the more we drift apart

the sun just slipped its note below my door
and i cant hide beneath my sheets,
 ive read the words before so now i know... 
time has come again for me
no matter how much i pretend


my hearts hurts, my head is so, heavy.
at least norah jones understands, hey?

I'm in a very weird place in my mind.
it feels as if Chris and I are taking a break... it feels as if I'm taking a break, from real life... sitting in an old pub on the edge of downtown Athens... there are people. everywhere. for them, this is real life. this isnt their escape or hiatus, but their world. I find myself growing jealous... the indie life. the small pubs. cute solo guitarists. earthy. soulful. it feels... nice.

but ultimately I have to go home. this isnt my home. my life. this is fake. this is a dream... walking through the streets of this dream is slightly breathtaking. I feel like my hands are tied to something back home. and while ultimately I know, it's Chris... what I dont know, is, do I want it to be that way? are my hands really tied, or are they just being delicately held?

do I feel bound?
or loved...

cherished,
or trapped...?
thoughts.