i leave for Nicaragua th 9th.

so excited.


....and so sick of people complaining- and we haven't even left.

i mean really kiddos, it's a mission trip - you might actually have to sleep on the floor.

i don't mind. =D


peace.

mk chris.

specifics.
hmmmmm..... lemme think.

*deep breath*

my friend lizzie is one of the most beautiful, nice, christian, talented, caring, wonderful people i know. - and she's never had a boyfriend.

when we were younger it never seemed to matter to her. she always thought 'well if i wait...' or 'maybe when i'm older' but the right guy//time was never really there. she knows that God wants her to be fully satisfied with him, and she's prayed about it... but when she looks around and everyone else has a guy to text, and hold hands and just, be a couple with, and have deep conversations, and goof off and say 'i love you' a billion times everyday. - it's hard.

i feel so awful for her and i want that for her because i feel like she deserves it... ya know?

but i can't do anything about it.

and now she says ""what if... what if God doesn't have someone out there for me? what if he wants me to be satisfied with him forever? what then? idk if i can do it, and that's sad because i say i want to be satisfied, but i don't. Kaylin, i guess the hard part's not waiting.... it's replacing physical with spiritual.""

excuse me if i don't have allot of experience in this area.


anyway, this has all been building for some time now... i knew it was coming, and then we all went to lindsey's house and went "swimming" and then watched "the notebook" - bad choice.

chelsea had never seen it before and she broke down at the end - she was crying sooo hard... she called david (her bf) and just sobbed over the phone (at 2am) "i wanna grow old with you.... i love you sooo much" etc etc.

lizzie was already upset - but that was really it right there.

and i don't know what to say to her. i'm lost. i look at her and she looks at me wanting some scrap of advice, words of wisdom, a fortune cookie, anything really.... and idk.

ugh.

peace.


ps - if uhh, you know me know me, don't go around telling people what you read ok kiddos?

mk, so i probably won't graduate a year early. i've lots of other stuff i could do... plus since i don't go to school i could some classes during my jr and sr years. piano - idk yet, i've got a lesson tomorrow (maybe) and i think i'm gonna talk to pj.

buutttt, hannah (a fellow student and friend) has decided not to go off to college and will remain here. which could possibly mean she plays instead. which is cool i guess... she's better than me, and older.

today was a long day, and the things against me seemed to pile up one after the other.
i tried really hard not to let it show... but by the time i got to soundcheck to run projection i was just worn down. everybody asked me what was the matter. 'nothing, i'm fine' - my answer of choice. jason davis (the new media guy) really tried to break through, come'on kaylin, what's upppp???? i mean, he's been here what? a month? no way i'm spillin my guts to that kid.

but idk, i guess i'm just a teenage girl.

ha.

i've really felt a friend-overload as of late. i just want to be by myself for awhile. i would say 'i just wanna stay home for awhile' but i don't. home is psychotic right now. no walls, no floor, no kitchen, and the magazine deadlines sometime this week.... ugh.

update on the floor though - we did buy the flooring and now we're putting it in. unfortunately my Dad messed his wrist up, might be broken. so i'm the officially gluer. haha, have you ever spread floor glue?? it's this huge gloppy caulk colored stuff that you have to put on with a trowel. a notched trowel, you scoop the heavy mess up and smack it on the floor, then you have to knead and spread, and scrape, and ugh until it's a perfect set of lines. it's nuts.

-kinda like this, except not so grey... more caulky like. like that's tile, so it's grout. but i'm spreading glue.
- but i don't mind, it's all gonna come together and be a kitchen eventually.
- and yeah, i did steal that photo.

anyway, lum. ttyl. --k

peace.

I think I'm going to start blogging again... written entries are to much trouble.

I can't decide what I want to do.

I'm one of the most indecisive people I know.

...but when I finally make up my mind it'll be made up for good.

I need to decide....


graduate a year early and finish core classes at a community college?

pros: a year early! getting out of the house and into an out of state school w/out having to worry about my core classes.

cons: alllllooottt of work and discipline would be required.


playing piano for youth choir?

pros: no singing, a ministry outlet, doing something w/ my ability.

cons: idk if can handle it..... also, alllooottt of discipline.



and other things... in my spirtual//mental life.
just a bunch of junk.

peace.