i blame myself.
there's really no other reason.
i need to blame myself.
i need to have an emotional outlet.
i'm kinda mellow...
lyin here in my soffes and sports bra. wishin i was so small,
thinner than air. wishin i could disappear, not have to face life.
--that's so immature - so stupid.
layin here lookin through my old thinspiration.
wondering where i went wrong - how could i have been so weak?
i ask. i hear my thoughts fighting back and forth, i know it's not right.
but how do you stop a desire? no joke, i want it more than life.
more than liiiiife.... more than breath you are,
more than iiiii could ever hope or imagine....
i'm totally bi-polar. but inwardly.
my mind can't take it anymore.
it cant handle the overload of constant quarrel.
the neverending battle for a way out.
or better yet - an easier way there.
--- my part's not hard at all - the physical anyway.
but the relational stress kills.
lies. lies. lies. lies.
that's what it's built on.
lies like to crumble -
not that i get caught....
but i catch up with myself -
rather He catches up.
sets me straight....
but then, not to long later here i am. unhappy.
joy? ha.
this is such a shallow post.
i feel so freaking shallow.
so stupid.
so idiotic.
can't get anything right.
- and even now, here i am having a freakin pity party.
ugh.
i disgust myself in every way possible.
there's really no other reason.
i need to blame myself.
i need to have an emotional outlet.
i'm kinda mellow...
lyin here in my soffes and sports bra. wishin i was so small,
thinner than air. wishin i could disappear, not have to face life.
--that's so immature - so stupid.
layin here lookin through my old thinspiration.
wondering where i went wrong - how could i have been so weak?
i ask. i hear my thoughts fighting back and forth, i know it's not right.
but how do you stop a desire? no joke, i want it more than life.
more than liiiiife.... more than breath you are,
more than iiiii could ever hope or imagine....
i'm totally bi-polar. but inwardly.
my mind can't take it anymore.
it cant handle the overload of constant quarrel.
the neverending battle for a way out.
or better yet - an easier way there.
--- my part's not hard at all - the physical anyway.
but the relational stress kills.
lies. lies. lies. lies.
that's what it's built on.
lies like to crumble -
not that i get caught....
but i catch up with myself -
rather He catches up.
sets me straight....
but then, not to long later here i am. unhappy.
joy? ha.
this is such a shallow post.
i feel so freaking shallow.
so stupid.
so idiotic.
can't get anything right.
- and even now, here i am having a freakin pity party.
ugh.
i disgust myself in every way possible.
9 comments:
Romans 7:14-24
You're not the only one who deals with a problem you just can't seem to get around. Don't feel like you're alone. You don't have to be. A burden shared is half as hard to deal with... You've got people in your life praying for you.
Colossians 1:9-22 says you are QULAIFIED, right now, to share in Christ's inheritance. He has delivered you from the domain of darkness and transferred you to the kingdom of his beloved Son. You have redemption in Him, and the forgiveness of sins.
Kaylin, He has reconciled you in His body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him.
All of that is true right now despite anything and everything you've done. Satan uses what we feel against us instead of what we know. Know that you are His.
You are smart; you are talented, and you are strong in Him. The desires of the flesh are disgusting. You are not.
Share the load Frodo...
- Sam
does frodo know sam?
I thought you knew me well... until we got "on the pass of Cirith Ungol."
i thought sam saved frodo from spiders there...?
He did, but not before someone/something convinced Frodo that Sam could no longer be trusted, temporarily ending their friendship...
maybe frodo didn't trust sam because he felt like he knew better from the beginning, maybe he felt like too many other people had let him down already, and he didn't need to add another name to that list.
maybe in ending communication he was saving their relationship from unavoidable destruction. id est getting ahead.
...i think that would be a great thing, had we not known that in the end Sam would fight his way back into Frodo's life, saving him. therefore reinstating his friendship status.
...
"...Sam would fight his way back into Frodo's life...therefore reinstating his friendship status."
Bingo
but frodo didn't want to have to change for Sam, he wanted to be able to whoever/whatever he wanted to be, w/out having to always know Sam's opinion.
but then Frodo thought "hey, it's a free country", so even if Sam did give Frodo his opinion, he wouldn't have to take it.
who is Sam, Frodo and Bingo??????
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