soft pallate.

long time no type.

definitely a little behind on my post-a-day goal, loi.


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ok, so i feel like i need to apologize, I haven't gotten much of anything done lately - i mean besides the norm. i feel like i could have been doing so much more, especially music-wise. i have no motivation, i enjoy playing what i know - but i don' t like learning the new stuff anymore, its become more of a i'll-do-it-later thing rather than at the top of my to-do list.

and it sucks.

because i cant play new stuff w/out learning it... and that means when i sit down at the piano, all i have is the same old stuff. i used to be able to sit down for 10 minutes and learn 7 pages. now i can barely handle scales everyday.

who do i apologize to though? pj? i think he might laugh at me.

ugh, i guess i should pray for discipline.

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so God's had allot to say lately.

first off, i hate going to the altar, i absolutely cannot stand it.

and i really don't know why. i just get this sudden urge to grit my teeth and dig my heels into the carpet when they call the youth up.

ok, so Sunday we had a good sermon, Pastor Collins talked about "dangerous worship" it was interesting. anyway, during the altar call, standing in front of my pew i started to pray. and i tried to block everything out, but i couldn't think straight. I gritted my teeth, and fought back tears, I hate that feeling. Then suddenly that all too familiar voice came in "be still my child" - i love those words, they washed over me and my head cleared. i stood there just listening; perfectly still, hands clasped. for what seemed like forever - but in reality just a few moments. then came the real stuff. "kaylin, you say you want fire, you ask for a change - a mighty move of me in your life, the lives around you. and yet you fear worshiping me in my altars"

well that hit me like a ton of bricks.

idk what to do, i cry thinking about it...


*looks at clock*

2:24a

i'd better get off.
good night.

.peace.