optimism.

im working at the church.
getting paid to do stuff i like.
and thats cool.

im not obese.
yay me.

i have some of the
best people for friends...
-- in the entire world.

we are doing fine arts
even though they weren't
planning on it.

-----

change.

why have i grown to hate it so much? when i was little everything changed all the time, i lived in 14 houses before i was 9. homeschooled of course.. and never had a lot of friends. everything was always different, i never knew what was next. but then, i guess something happened, i started to grow up. and i still am [growing up] and i know there's going to be allot more change heading my way.

so i might as well get used to it right?
i need to stop getting close to people,
because there's not really a point right?
eventually they want be there anymore.
maybe i should just pull out of everything.
stay away from everyone. im serious.

im sick of life as i know it.
something needs to change.
i need a change.

i dont like change...
but i need it this time.

i just want to move away,
and do awesome stuff.
but, the more i think about it...
the more indecisive i become.

i had decided, ncu all the way.
major in cmmunication art: media
and doing that would entail
photography, web design, video,
layout and design, etc.
and then minor in music.
at ncu...

but i got to talking to grant and [as usual]
he was telling me southeastern was the way to go.
and he wants to take a group down there...

and that sounds great,
surfing and sun..

ahh, or
snow, cold,
freezing,
temperatures.

idk, its not just about weather.

-----

this post is all over the place.
oh, my parents, are still fighting,

and my mom...

her birthday is tomorrow.

i know there'll be crying.

i want to hate him for it.

i want to so bad.


im trying to have grace...
i really am, i think.