hello world
today is a weird day.. i did absolutely nothing today... well, that's not entirely true. i did absolutely nothing productive today.. i went to starbucks, declined three different shifts this week. all of my plans for the week have fallen through or have been put on hold.. life is really weird this week. i dont have anything that i have to do. i have a few things that i could do.. my geography project, for one... i mean, it's not do until the end of march, but i know that if i want to do it well then i should do it while i have time. i dont know when the next time is that i'll have time...
i wish the lake house had internet.. then i could hide up there for the week... chill out and get a few things done, but relax, doing nothing. i think i might go up there for at least a night or two... later this week. solitude sounds comforting. i think i have burned myself out.. i cried today. not because i was stressed or confused... because, i was, stressed and confused.. but because i needed to cry. i hadn't cried since the week i got home.. i dont think.
okay
lets sort some things out
download a bit
spring break
this week is spring break, and to give a little background and context, i should probably start from plan A... lolly and i were planning on heading down to orlando for the week.. to hang out with travis and his band (which i'll talk a little more about in a later topic) and just.. chill for the week. unfortunately, budget restraints and broken cars prevented us from doing so.. and while on one hand, it saddens me that we dont get to go - the other side is that, well, i think it could be a blessing in my life... i guess we'll see.. plan B (not the pill, the idea) on realizing that we could not go to orlando, lolly and i devised a secondary agenda.. head to athens! athens is where uga is. it's a very eclectic, artsy, hippie, musically infused, college town... we both have heaps of friends there... and its less gas, and cheaper all around. however... uga has their spring break now as well.. so most of our friends wont be on campus.. and we really didnt want to check into the college party scene for a week anyway... so here we are, back at square one. plan C chris has been jokingly talked about coming for a visit this week.. which i had mixed feeling about.. but i do want to meet him. i miss him - if that's possible. anyway, long story short, he's not coming.. and we're not meeting in jackson tomorrow for lunch.. which, until this afternoon was a legitimate idea, but honestly.. there's just so much going on, and it's a whole day.. and idk.. way too last minute and too much time/gas to hang out for two hours.. its just not worth it. my father offered to buy me a ticket to austin and spend the latter part of the week in waco with chris... but i declined. looking back now, i think i might've changed my mind... but my reasons aren't the money, or the time, just... i think that i should meet him first. whether that means going to jackson for lunch, or him coming here... so yeah. (chris will get his own topic, no worries) (man, i shouldnt have taken so much time off here) plan D amanda and i haven wanted to go up to iowa to see pastor jason since before he even left... we figured we'd just spend wednesday - saturday up there... but gas costs heaps and neither of us can drive in the snow.. so that's a no go... i think the final verdict of this week will end up with amanda and i in little five points shopping in vintage stores and maybe staying the night in the youth hostel.. all things that are legit price-wise, cheap and fun.. and can be done at the last minute.. i do want to spend a day or so at the lake house, probably tomorrow night if i can swing it... and then next i'll go back to normal...
travis and co.
bananafish and open windows showed up to the store late thursday night.. the stayed at lolly's house and had a show friday night... and went back to orlando early saturday morning. i hung out with the boys a bit on thursday night... at starbucks. on friday, i rocked up to the show... late. and then headed to lolly's for a few hours... try to be in this scene for a minute... 5 guys from open windows, 4 from bananafish, 6 from another band... and 2 or 3 friends (also boys), lolly, and i... sitting in the tiny living room... covering the two couches, two chairs, the 4 table chairs... and some blankets laid out on the floor.. everyone was singing some sort of melody as 3 acoustic guitars made their way from talented musicians to experimental drunk guitarists... the record player hammering out some random indie band in the background... two cases of pabts blue ribbon, seven 30oz budweisers, a bottle of rum... two bottles of whiskey... shot glasses covering the small coffee table... starbucks cups in every other hand... plastic and ceramic... coffee and alcohol. it was a party. the kitchen beyond the living room contained two or three brave souls making and putting to use a last-minute gravity bomb... high our of their minds.. people rotated n and out of the kitchen.. travis being in there 2 or 3 times.. it was intense.
i really missed travis. im not in love with him.. nor do i want to be him, anymore. but i honestly wanted to see him.. but not in this state, not in that place... not on xanax, drunk, and high... not messy. not out of his mind... his heart... i dont know what's happened to him. it is quite sad. i am glad the orlando trip fell through.. im glad that i wont have to spend 6 nights watching his life fall apart... but i am sad for him.
listening t him talk about life and the like, when he lived here... was not only intriguing, but incredible... i thought he had somehow found a way to straddle the line... on foot in the world and one out... he had such a platform, and such a story... but i know now... i know what i knew all along.. and travis is just another example.. you can't do it. you cannot be luke-warm... or even appear it. its all or nothing...
christopher
to be continued
today is a weird day.. i did absolutely nothing today... well, that's not entirely true. i did absolutely nothing productive today.. i went to starbucks, declined three different shifts this week. all of my plans for the week have fallen through or have been put on hold.. life is really weird this week. i dont have anything that i have to do. i have a few things that i could do.. my geography project, for one... i mean, it's not do until the end of march, but i know that if i want to do it well then i should do it while i have time. i dont know when the next time is that i'll have time...
i wish the lake house had internet.. then i could hide up there for the week... chill out and get a few things done, but relax, doing nothing. i think i might go up there for at least a night or two... later this week. solitude sounds comforting. i think i have burned myself out.. i cried today. not because i was stressed or confused... because, i was, stressed and confused.. but because i needed to cry. i hadn't cried since the week i got home.. i dont think.
okay
lets sort some things out
download a bit
spring break
this week is spring break, and to give a little background and context, i should probably start from plan A... lolly and i were planning on heading down to orlando for the week.. to hang out with travis and his band (which i'll talk a little more about in a later topic) and just.. chill for the week. unfortunately, budget restraints and broken cars prevented us from doing so.. and while on one hand, it saddens me that we dont get to go - the other side is that, well, i think it could be a blessing in my life... i guess we'll see.. plan B (not the pill, the idea) on realizing that we could not go to orlando, lolly and i devised a secondary agenda.. head to athens! athens is where uga is. it's a very eclectic, artsy, hippie, musically infused, college town... we both have heaps of friends there... and its less gas, and cheaper all around. however... uga has their spring break now as well.. so most of our friends wont be on campus.. and we really didnt want to check into the college party scene for a week anyway... so here we are, back at square one. plan C chris has been jokingly talked about coming for a visit this week.. which i had mixed feeling about.. but i do want to meet him. i miss him - if that's possible. anyway, long story short, he's not coming.. and we're not meeting in jackson tomorrow for lunch.. which, until this afternoon was a legitimate idea, but honestly.. there's just so much going on, and it's a whole day.. and idk.. way too last minute and too much time/gas to hang out for two hours.. its just not worth it. my father offered to buy me a ticket to austin and spend the latter part of the week in waco with chris... but i declined. looking back now, i think i might've changed my mind... but my reasons aren't the money, or the time, just... i think that i should meet him first. whether that means going to jackson for lunch, or him coming here... so yeah. (chris will get his own topic, no worries) (man, i shouldnt have taken so much time off here) plan D amanda and i haven wanted to go up to iowa to see pastor jason since before he even left... we figured we'd just spend wednesday - saturday up there... but gas costs heaps and neither of us can drive in the snow.. so that's a no go... i think the final verdict of this week will end up with amanda and i in little five points shopping in vintage stores and maybe staying the night in the youth hostel.. all things that are legit price-wise, cheap and fun.. and can be done at the last minute.. i do want to spend a day or so at the lake house, probably tomorrow night if i can swing it... and then next i'll go back to normal...
travis and co.
bananafish and open windows showed up to the store late thursday night.. the stayed at lolly's house and had a show friday night... and went back to orlando early saturday morning. i hung out with the boys a bit on thursday night... at starbucks. on friday, i rocked up to the show... late. and then headed to lolly's for a few hours... try to be in this scene for a minute... 5 guys from open windows, 4 from bananafish, 6 from another band... and 2 or 3 friends (also boys), lolly, and i... sitting in the tiny living room... covering the two couches, two chairs, the 4 table chairs... and some blankets laid out on the floor.. everyone was singing some sort of melody as 3 acoustic guitars made their way from talented musicians to experimental drunk guitarists... the record player hammering out some random indie band in the background... two cases of pabts blue ribbon, seven 30oz budweisers, a bottle of rum... two bottles of whiskey... shot glasses covering the small coffee table... starbucks cups in every other hand... plastic and ceramic... coffee and alcohol. it was a party. the kitchen beyond the living room contained two or three brave souls making and putting to use a last-minute gravity bomb... high our of their minds.. people rotated n and out of the kitchen.. travis being in there 2 or 3 times.. it was intense.
i really missed travis. im not in love with him.. nor do i want to be him, anymore. but i honestly wanted to see him.. but not in this state, not in that place... not on xanax, drunk, and high... not messy. not out of his mind... his heart... i dont know what's happened to him. it is quite sad. i am glad the orlando trip fell through.. im glad that i wont have to spend 6 nights watching his life fall apart... but i am sad for him.
listening t him talk about life and the like, when he lived here... was not only intriguing, but incredible... i thought he had somehow found a way to straddle the line... on foot in the world and one out... he had such a platform, and such a story... but i know now... i know what i knew all along.. and travis is just another example.. you can't do it. you cannot be luke-warm... or even appear it. its all or nothing...
christopher
to be continued
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