today has been a terribly wonderful, horrible day.
tonight was my last night at the door...
i cried for 57% of it
i called jason davis tonight.
i told him that i was leaving, and i would miss him... and that i didn't want him to think of me as "that bitch". he said that he doesn't... and that i "would be missed". whatever that means... then i said goodbye, hung up the phone, and called him right back.
-----
jason... im not very good at this phone thing
haha, no. you're not
jason, jason, i just.. i called, because i... i dont know why we broke up.. honestly. and i know, yeah - i have a lot of things i want to do in my life.. and a lot of places i need to grow. but i... i guess i just wanted to tell you that i still had feelings for you. and that i was going to miss you.. and.... and.. i dont know.
...
...
i, i dont really know what to say to that?
i know... and you dont have to say anything j. just know... that you were my first boyfriend, i learned a lot.. and i...
yeah i know.
and, well... i just, i just wanted to tell you that.
okay...
have a great night jason
you too
click
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and the problem is guys? in an effort to smooth things over.. in an effort to make things less awkward? in a small effort to reconcile and be friends. i made things so much more worse... six days. six days, and i fly to australia. what did i expect him to say? did expect for him to feel the same way? did i expect fireworks? i dont know. i dont know what i want, or where im going in life.. i just... i just dont know anymore.
i dont think that we could get back together.
i dont think we'll be together again.
but i also dont plan on ever moving completely on to the next thing. not that there even is a next thing. it's not like im pining for him.. begging for him to come back. i just, i felt like i needed to be completely honest and get everything into the open before i leave. and now it is. that day? in the tech room? i fell apart right there. i didn't even know that i was vulnerable enough to be hurt that bad by someone's words. the feelings that i had for him are still very much there. i dont know when they will subside.. i mean, it's not that big of a deal. i just, i know what that connection is now. that connection? the one everyone tells you about in sunday school... "when you have sex with someone it binds you to them forever" no.. me and j did not have sex. but intimacy (as stated before) is so much more than physical... but now, everything is out.. and i have nothing left to say.
it's over.
*breath of relief*
tonight was my last night at the door...
i cried for 57% of it
i called jason davis tonight.
i told him that i was leaving, and i would miss him... and that i didn't want him to think of me as "that bitch". he said that he doesn't... and that i "would be missed". whatever that means... then i said goodbye, hung up the phone, and called him right back.
-----
jason... im not very good at this phone thing
haha, no. you're not
jason, jason, i just.. i called, because i... i dont know why we broke up.. honestly. and i know, yeah - i have a lot of things i want to do in my life.. and a lot of places i need to grow. but i... i guess i just wanted to tell you that i still had feelings for you. and that i was going to miss you.. and.... and.. i dont know.
...
...
i, i dont really know what to say to that?
i know... and you dont have to say anything j. just know... that you were my first boyfriend, i learned a lot.. and i...
yeah i know.
and, well... i just, i just wanted to tell you that.
okay...
have a great night jason
you too
click
-----
and the problem is guys? in an effort to smooth things over.. in an effort to make things less awkward? in a small effort to reconcile and be friends. i made things so much more worse... six days. six days, and i fly to australia. what did i expect him to say? did expect for him to feel the same way? did i expect fireworks? i dont know. i dont know what i want, or where im going in life.. i just... i just dont know anymore.
i dont think that we could get back together.
i dont think we'll be together again.
but i also dont plan on ever moving completely on to the next thing. not that there even is a next thing. it's not like im pining for him.. begging for him to come back. i just, i felt like i needed to be completely honest and get everything into the open before i leave. and now it is. that day? in the tech room? i fell apart right there. i didn't even know that i was vulnerable enough to be hurt that bad by someone's words. the feelings that i had for him are still very much there. i dont know when they will subside.. i mean, it's not that big of a deal. i just, i know what that connection is now. that connection? the one everyone tells you about in sunday school... "when you have sex with someone it binds you to them forever" no.. me and j did not have sex. but intimacy (as stated before) is so much more than physical... but now, everything is out.. and i have nothing left to say.
it's over.
*breath of relief*
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