opus 386

chris judy, i dont know what to say to you... i dont know how to talk to you. i've never had this dilemma with you before, i've always told you exactly what was on my mind because i've never had anything to lose. but the point of this paragraph is that now i do have something to lose. something that i've basically already lost. chris, i do love you. i've grown to love you, as a close, intimate friend. a friend - i've never put you into my big brother category, nor my single guy category. so now, here i am. typing away because of a failed attempt at a cellular conversation. what are you to me? are you just a friend? are you something more than a friend? i don't want to give up this friendship. chris, i honestly don't know where all this is coming from. i'm so afraid of you getting married, and me growing up... and never talking to you again, that i don't want to have this conversation. you're dating anna, not only are you dating her? but you're talking about how you think God is heading in the direction of you guys getting married. paolo, i've never even met you. i've never had this thought about what would happen when all of this took place, i've never thought far enough into this relationship to see the end. i don't want it to end. and as many times as you can say it won't - i can say it will.. i know from experience that it will. and it should - should things progress in that manner. but chris, aside from our denominational differences i have nothing to hold me back from falling in love with you. im not talking about the way i love you right now, but a romantic love. the kind that keeps two people together forever. i may be totally in the wrong here... maybe im just not reading you right. but chris, i'm going to australia.

i can't leave this up in the air the way it is.
i dont even know if we would work together..

these are all new things to me
new thoughts

something to think about anyway