opus 554

the numbers are lining up like they ought to

looks like i am going back to texas

one week on the beach with the boy that i love

i know i say it a lot..

but, i am so blessed

haven't written a public blog in far too long... 

i can't get my thoughts out in a fashion that anyone could read

i'm trying to be a little less cryptic here

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babysitting has been challenging

in the sense that i have to much time on my hands

but i paid the rent today, so that's good... i just need to make it until fall semester, and things will resume to "normal"... whatever that is. honestly, i know they wont... 6 months ago if you had asked me about a relationship,  i probably would've laughed at you. no, that's not true. i would've smiled cunningly... i had nothing realistic in mind, but i wasn't about to let people in on that.

eating has been getting harder and harder... im alone all the time, and by alone i mean without accountability.  im going to the beach in 23 days... and to be brutally honest, that's hard for me.  i don't go to the beach often... i do love it, and i want so badly to be in texas with Chris.  but i can't help but dread parts of everything that goes along with being at the beach.

my foot is healing really quickly... the incision is even partially healed up - which is incredible. not being able to drive or run or even walk my dog has really killed me this time around... i just feel gross all the time... which isn't good for my mind - im just trying to identify when i have those times and cut it off... do or do not, there is no try

i've hung out caleb almost every night as of late... im realizing how few good friends i have, which i mean, it's not a new development... but usually there are so many decent friends around that it feels a bit warmer in my life...  it's gotten a little cold over the last month... it's not uncommon for me to only talk to Chris... i never thought i'd be that girl... but im not against it yet.  the conversations i do have, with amanda, with evan, with kelsey, with caleb, are quality, and i think i'd rather have it that way

i had an old acquaintance text me a few days ago, he said he missed me, and was wondering if i was down to get high with him this weekend... i didnt recognize his number, but i don't have a lot of people in that circle of my life.. and knew who was almost immediately... i called him and got his life story from the last year or so... and told him i didn't smoke anymore... he was sorry to hear it, but still wanted to get coffee... i told him no, explained that i just couldn't  go back.. and i don't regret it

i dont have much more to say

that's a basic life update