"first of all, i just want to say that i have an incredible amount of respect for chris, guarding your heart is so important, and caleb and i have failed. i just... i don't know if i want to marry him... i want to date someone, not marry them... im so stressed out.. im freaking out right now, im freaking out... i don't know if i want to be a 20yr old pastor's wife... kaylin, i want to have coffee with chris when he gets here... i want to just, to talk to him... i dont know what im going to do... we have to slow down - now.... no, no, im not breaking up with him, i just have to slow things down... and i have his heart, i have so much power, and i hate it... it scares me.."
: excerpts from talk with amanda tonight.
im a bit worried. she needs to calm down.
lots of prayer.. and one thing at a time.
he will be crushed
why didnt you call me?
"... you know, i really don't know."
"i know im in a bad place, and everyday things just get harder with me and grant... i don't want to crush him. i want him to grow and mature and be loved. i can sit here and tell you a hundred reasons not to do what i'm doing, i feel like such a hypocrite... i don't know what to do... i don't feel like what im doing is wrong... just that it's not right... i don't know kaylin... i just don't know..."
i have so much more i need to write,
but... story of my life hey..
: excerpts from talk with lolly
directly after talking to amanda
my heart is heavy...
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