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kelsey moves into my house tonight

i have a lot of feelings about this... i feel happy, excited, nervous, anxious... ive missed her so much... more than ive missed most people in my life. kelsey is one of those friends that i know will be friends for a really long time... i dont want to say life-time, because i think that cheapens the idea of life... but for a long time, definitely.

its going to be weird having someone here that understands... understands ywam.. understands conviction, heart-ache, and folllowing god in a half-way around the world sense. its weird to think that 7 months ago i had never even heard of this kelsey gordon girl... and now this random red-head from missouri is moving into my house, sharing my room, my friends, my city, my life. its kind of a really big deal actually. interdependence here we come.. lol

im glad that shes coming, im glad for accountability. only... there's one real issue. i dont know if i can talk kelsey about going back to australia... ive been praying about it a lot. i dont want me possibly going back so soon to influence her in anyway - honestly, i would love for us to go together... that would be so incredible, but i dont know if that's what god has for her... and i want gods best for her, with all of my heart i want her to follow him. i know she feels called back there... or at least, i know that she thinks that she knows shes called back... but i dont know about timing, or anything. gods timing is perfect.

i want gods timing to be my timing... "even the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing" - chris. and this is true, totally true... i think this plays into my bcc as well... i know that i wouldnt have the right heart going into it if i had gone straight back after christmas... i would've been heart-broken, actually. i wouldnt have gone back to work... or school... i wouldnt have invested near as much time into problems and situations with friends and family. i know that i wouldve held my composure... and played the "we have a perfect life" game for the month that i wouldve been home... im so glad that im home. im grateful for gods timing. im thankful that he breaks us down before he puts us back together. im so grateful that knows me better than i do, that he knows my heart... which only makes me want to strive even more for purity, holiness, boldness, and everything in between.

im sitting outside of connor's karate joint right now... i really love my little brothers. im just realizing over these past few months how much they look to me, how much they want to be me, and have my approval - i have such a big influence in their lives that i have so often overlooked. i dont want to do that anymore, i want to be there for them.. i want to convey the love a big sister should... i want to take cohen and callie out to coffee, and play scrabble with connor at starbucks... i want them to understand fullfilment in god, and not just this lame idea that my parents have raised us with - the idea that was never enough to satisfy my hunger for intamacy with god, the idea that following god was about moving a lot, yelling a lot.. and not having any patience...

here comes connor

tbc